My fiance is cheating on me

Question: Hi, I dated my boyfriend for eight years and we are getting married in December next year. He has been living abroad since more than a year and his recent change in behaviour has left me devastated.

A few months back, he told me he is going on a solo trip. I was excited for him and did not doubt him even once. Recently, I saw his female friend's profile on Facebook and was shocked to see that she also went to that place during the same time. In fact, I checked the photos she had shared and found he was also traveling with her. I could not believe why he lied to me but decided not to speak up about this for a while.

He has again gone for a "solo" trip and I know his female friend is also travelling with him. She has posted the same photographs he has shared with me. In fact, I can see his phone, shades, wallet etc. in the photographs she has posted online. I am stressed thinking why he is doing this? He seems so excited for our marriage and is even actively participating in all the planning of events. He pretends like everything is normal.

I am in a big dilemma. Even if I confront him, he might confess and promise he won't repeat the same mistake. Should I even trust him now? If she is just his friend, what was the point in hiding everything from me? I am planning to call off the marriage. Is it the right thing to do? - By Anonymous

Response by Ms. Anuja Shah: Thank you for writing to us. I can understand it must be shocking for you to see those pictures and think that your fiance cheated on you after this long association of six years.

I see that you are unsure about confronting or fearful of doing so. You are fearful that you might trust him again to get disappointed at a later stage. It sounds like you have a desperate need to save yourself from being hurt, that you have assumed would be your fate.

Seeing similar pictures twice is more than a coincidence, I agree with you. But before you make any decision, I would want you to think whether it is possible that there is more to these pictures than what appears? You even mentioned that he is very involved in the marriage preparations. Other than the pictures of his solo trip, no other behaviour correlates with him cheating on you.

Give a thought to what would it be like to live without confronting him? Would you have even a small ounce of regret that you didn't give him a chance to explain himself, or you didn't give your relationship a chance? If not, then it is fair to break this relationship.

If you fear that he may convince you to stay in the relationship after admitting his mistake and hence you are sceptical, then my suggestion is to deal with it differently. You have a year before marriage and ample of time to make a judgment about him being trustworthy. I feel you should confront him while being aware of your fears.

Ms. Anuja Shah is a Senior Relationship Psychologist at IWill Therapy app by ePsyClinic

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