How staying single liberated me

Take a deep breath. Life's hiccups don't define you! Modern India needs liberal messages. My story is for all the people who are not afraid to break stereotypes.

Today when I look back at my life, I feel that I have lived without any regrets. Now, I know it all happened for a reason. Today I stress upon the difficulty in maintaining your own beliefs in the face of others. We must trust that our own beliefs are unique even though others may think them odd or unpopular.
There are some emotions only you can handle. Unless you become capable and mature, don't even think of marrying someone. Ambitionless for many years, I wandered to find the purpose of my being. I was scared to look within, not knowing that it is the only place where I would find what I needed the most. I struggled with my emotions for about 18 years before I could finally feel liberated. This journey is a journey of knowing who I am; following my heart, letting go of what happened in the past and people whose part in my story was over, to living my passions, learning to be grateful, turning on my inner light, and becoming a better version of myself.

At 24, I started working as a personality development trainer in a company. I thoroughly enjoyed it but I wasn't close enough to know it was my passion and calling.

Simultaneously, my parents started their matrimonial hunt for me. My confidence was shattered several times by the people around (some relatives, brokers) who constantly ridiculed and taunted me for not saying yes to the proposals. Even my parents took many years to understand me but with time they became extremely supportive. And all I knew was that I didn't want to marry but this constant pressure of getting married resulted in making me bitter, overly sensitive, unstable and grief stricken. I was already fighting the deep void in my life since the age of 15 and now this! Anyway, all this couldn't break me because I strongly felt that there is a purpose to our lives even though sometimes it is hidden from us. I just needed to be patient.

However, I kept on pursuing higher education and did several jobs that kept me going for all this while. Six years passed and after turning 30, I decided to visit the United Kingdom to pursue my MSc in International Business Management. I stayed there for a year and came back to India. Again after spending a year in India, I went to Dubai for a month-long internship. This exposure boosted my confidence like never before.

Being a spinster also gave me enough time to rediscover what I desired from life. So after coming back from Dubai, I started attending various motivational seminars to upgrade my existing skills, met different people, started to unlearn what I had learnt so far, became more open to new ideas and philosophies, revived my passions—dancing, singing, playing the guitar, tennis, swimming, cooking , and I also started working as a life coach. I was being naturally guided by my heart and the universe. I also learnt yoga and meditation which enabled me to explore my innermost feelings and emotions and added more meaning to my life. I also had a realization that I needed to be more peaceful and stable, so letting go of anger was the need of the hour.

I often say "Positivity attracts abundance". I worked for a school as a life coach for a while but I wasn't feeling satisfied. So I left the job and decided to volunteer for an NGO called "Deepalaya" where I gave my heart and soul during my sessions to encourage the deprived women to come out of their shells and realise their self-worth. They reciprocated with blessings and love.

Within next five months, I was blessed in miraculous ways. One fine day, while sitting on a couch in my home, I suddenly started listening to my thoughts. They sounded magical and I thought of penning them down. Within next few days, I started sketching , something I never did in the past. It was clear that I was following my heart and all my energies were being channelised in the right direction.

Two months later, I had a compilation of around 82 inspiring poems and many sketches with more than 50 unique life quotes from my own journey that together gave birth to my first book—Route to Transformation.

Today at 35, I see myself as a person who is more accepting and considerate towards everyone around me. Well, we truly change when we change ourselves from within. Otherwise, we could be in the most beautiful place and still feel miserable.

In the end, I would like to say that marriage cannot guarantee our happiness and being single doesn't make us worthless either. It is important to note that all of us are guided by the universe differently towards our respective paths. All of us have varied needs and desires because the universe wants us to shine in this world in our own unique ways. We are not born to fit into a limited box created by our respective societies. From my experience, I have learnt that it is more important to find happiness and balance within rather than seeking it from people to make us happy all the time. Don't marry just because there is pressure of society and you feel lonely. Marry when you are happy, when you feel that the time is right and when you find the right person.

-By Ruchika Dhawan