How should I fall in love with myself?

Question: I am a 28-year-old woman, and doing pretty well in my career. I have read several articles online about how a person should fall in love with himself/herself before loving someone else. I am unable to understand how to do that. I exercise and pamper myself but, at the end of the day, nothing brings happiness. I had a break-up almost four months back; is that the reason of this constant unhappiness? Despite having a good friend circle, comfortable income and supportive family, I am not in love with myself and in turn not a happy person. What should I do? By Anonymous

Response by Ms. Anuja Shah: Thank you for writing to us. I know this must be a difficult phase for you, and you must have questioned the need to write this query a number of times.

It seems that you are questioning your "unhappy" feeling since you think you are doing everything right. Well, your recent break-up could be a cause. Not acknowledging your sadness and focussing on coping with it often leaves a feeling of emptiness. Also, a break-up is, sometimes, perceived by us as some kind of rejection.

This could be making you feel unable to love yourself. A break-up also makes us question our ability to make choices. We question ourself if we would be capable of having a loving relationship in future. All this adds to feeling empty, worthless and filled with self-doubt; similar to what you are feeling.

I need to know if this feeling of unable to love yourself has been there before this break-up or has been more pronounced since last four months. I also need to understand why and how you broke-up and how did you perceive that.

I would strongly suggest that you to visit a counsellor since your query needs a lot of reflection and professional guidance would definitely help.

Anuja Shah is a Senior Psychologist at IWill Therapy App by EpsyClinic

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