Am I incompatible with my boyfriend?

Question: I have been dating my boyfriend since more than a year and it is a long-distance relationship. We love each other but from the past five months, we have started fighting a lot. I get angry if he does not text me the entire day and he gets furious when I ask him why he does not miss me. Not just this, we are two different people (we always knew this) and always have different opinions on everything. In fact, whenever we have travelled together, we have always wanted to explore different things. Now, I am uncertain about how compatible we are. We do really love each other but arguing over every little thing might shake the foundation of our relationship. By Anonymous

Response by Ms. Rashi Ahuja: Thank you for sharing your query with us. Every relationship needs effort, and unfortunately long-distance relationships require much more effort than relationships where both the partners are in the same city. And hence, I can understand the disturbance and the anger you must be experiencing when your boyfriend does not call or text you throughout the day. Sometimes physical distance, indeed, adds to an emotional and physical void, leading towards misunderstanding and a communication gap. A good idea for you would be to assess the issues you are facing. Are they due to the fact that you are in two different places? Or, do you feel that there is a genuine disconnect from his side?

Further, the second part of your query was about having different opinions and different interests on most aspects. Well, no two people are same and every individual can have different thoughts and ideas. The key is how we present those ideas in front of our partner as well as deal with difference of opinion. Occasional conflicts are normal in any relationship; it will be a good idea for you to see how comfortable you are with these conflicts (and their frequency) and how your partner responds to you in a state of conflict.

If you feel that every day you both end up having an argument or fight, it is important to go to the roots and assess. In case it is because of a difference of opinion or thought process, you may want to give the relationship another chance. If it is due to the frustration levels, a good idea would be to first deal with your frustration on an individual level and then talk it out with your partner.

Reflect on the relationship to detangle the thoughts in your mind and gain clarity. However, I would also recommend you to seek therapy to understand yourself and your relationship better.

All the best! Feel free to write back to us in case you have any more doubts.

Ms. Rashi Ahuja is Senior Relationship Therapist at IWill Therapy By EpsyClinic

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